I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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