Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
