Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
