Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
