The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
