I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
