so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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