Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Are we in a gay sports bar?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
