Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
