HIV tests are more positive than that guy
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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