How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
