We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
