I cockslap morals
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
