You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
