I haven't been this sober since birth.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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