i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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