Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We talked him into tasing himself.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize