Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
