Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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