is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
