we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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