I have demons in me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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