remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
