he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
