he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
