he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So vagazzling was a success
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
