That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
