Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
