It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
