Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
