Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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