if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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