oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
