This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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