What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
