i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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