i think i have herpe
just one?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
