The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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