Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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