I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
