I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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