we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
