so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
