Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
