Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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