His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
