Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish I only lived at night.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
