she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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