You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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