That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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