He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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