i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
