Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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