addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
