Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
