Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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