she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
