I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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